November 5, 2012

Screw You, Life

Lately I’ve noticed that this blog has become all about my own little rants and raves; I log in, post a blog about my own misgivings or something awful that happened or to whine about losing my space. No humour, no suzy-sunshine-on-the-bright-side bits of boohoo.

Wouldn’t it be nice if that changed? I agree. Not gonna happen today though!!!

Today, I am cranky. I am overwhelmed. I just want everybody and everything to fuck off and leave me alone. And while I’m at it, I’d like to win the lottery and become independently wealthy. That’s not too much to ask, is it?? But no…instead, I have this whole list of issues bounding around inside my skull like a toddler on a candy high in a bouncy castle:

  1. Money. Big, ugly, awful worry right now. If anyone ever tells you that you have exceptional credit and YAY you qualify for a “borrowed down-payment on a house type of mortgage!” tell them to go fuck themselves. Cash in your freaking RRSP’s if you have to and use your damned savings and just say NO. Because when your closing costs turn out to be 3 times the expected amount and you end up 3 months behind as a result (and I’m an Accountant so I can budget the fuck out of my money!) it’s really, really hard to come out the other side. Yes, I’m thankful that I was able to buy a house on a single income without having to use my savings and/or retirement money. But jeezus the amount of debt I have now got hanging over my head is significant, not to mention the WTF money I had to pay out of my daily account for my ridiculously unexpected closing costs. I’ve been super tempted to dig into my savings but my Accountant side knows that if I just hold to my tight budget I will be out of this shortly after Christmas. Meanwhile I really miss my disposable income and Chapman’s Frozen Yogurt.
  2. Babies. I think about them every day, every night before I fall asleep, every time I’m in sight of a child. It’s consuming.
  3. My job. I hate coming to work now. I hate the fact that I hate coming to work! So, I’m on the hunt for a new job and having a hell of a time finding one.
  4. Girly parts. I have issues with them right now, constant issues that are enough to drive a woman mental and make normal every-day activities difficult. I don’t want to talk about it, it’s personal. Yes I’ve been to my Dr. Yes we know what it is, it just Won’t Go Away. !!!!
  5. The roller-coaster of my life for the past 4 months has pretty much sent me into this spiral of constantly being in fight or flight mode. A month or so ago, I decided that I had to just let some things go, because frankly it’s too much to deal with all at once. (See 1 – 4 above, and 6 – 11 below) To date it’s been qualifying for the mortgage, dealing with my pisshat bank, switching banks, finding a mortgage broker, deciding to try for a borrowed down-payment (moron), then the house search, then the moving, then the issues with my hot water tank, then the furnace (see below), then all of the fucking electrical issues and DIY jobs I discovered the previous owners did, and;
  6. Water on my floor in the furnace room yesterday. A nice big puddle, increasing in size every time water drip-dropped off of the vents and pipes that lead up to the roof. My brain almost fried until I discovered where the water was coming from {it’s the hot water tank again OMG! Oh wait no, it’s dripping from the furnace’s air intake vent and the pipes to the hot water tank. Even worse, there’s a hole in my roof?!?}. I called the property manager today and was told that this is a design flaw of the townhouses that the condo board is looking to fix within the next year or so. We get big snow, next day the weather turns and the snow melts and it causes major condensation on the vents/pipes. He’s checking the roof for me just to be safe, but basically I have to live with the dripping water on these mother-nature-is-to-blame occasions. At least my cat has an indoor pool.
  7. The adjustment of basically having someone live with me. In My house. The constant having to pick up after him because if I don’t, there will be laundry on the bedroom floor and 3 empty pop cans on the kitchen counter and TV remotes in the couch cushions. Having to re-wash the dishes because he’s rubbish at it. Having a 5 year old boy around every weekend who is obsessed with TV and wants to eat fast food every day. Yeah, it’s not that bad but man, is it a big change!
  8. And then there’s Mr. Right himself, and ex-nonwife. The recent telephone conversations that have nothing to do with L~ but are instead her asking his opinion on trucks she should buy. In the middle of dinner. How I can’t send L~’s birthday balloons home with him because Mr. Right says she doesn’t want anything to come home with L~…but then I wonder if he just doesn’t want her to know that my Mom bought L~ birthday balloons. How Mr. Right is going to L~’s soccer game again tonight and I am not included (I’m going for dinner with BFF, I think I forgot for a while there that I’m not the girl to sit at home waiting while I feel sorry for myself!).
  9. Last night I also discovered that the sealant in my bathtub needs to be replaced; it’s cracked and water has been going behind the tub tiling. Fortunately it’s only a little tiny bit so the chances of water damage are extremely minimal…but really, it was like the icing on my cake of Arg yesterday.
  10. My car, which I bought brand spanking new, was painted. I discovered this about a month and a half ago when the paint came off of the front bumper. I take it to the dealership and am told that the area that was painted is actually not supposed to have finish on it at all – so that must mean that I took it somewhere and painted it!!! Um, I don’t think so. I took my anger right up to the service manager, who told me that they have no record of the car being painted in their shop. So I must’ve done it, right?? Fuck you. I bought a new car, if I took it somewhere to be painted why the hell wouldn’t I take it back there?? Why did you give me a fucking car that’s been painted?? I’ve called the service manager three times since, and I’ve gotten the run-around every time. And you know what? With everything else that’s going on, I can’t seem to find my give-a-fuck. There’s a little fleck of paint about the size of a dollar bill missing on the front (plastic) portion of my bumper. The car runs great. I’ll fight them, I just can’t do it right now. I can only handle several things at a time here, and that cosmetic bit of paint just doesn’t seem to be a priority. Yet.
  11. Smoking. AKA, trying to quit. It’s not working so well. I’m irritated at myself and yet, at the same time, it’s one of the few stress relievers I have right now.

And that’s that. Another whiney blog, that will likely only ever be read by myself and one other person.
Yeah. I’m OK with that.

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