... as Mr. Right would say.
As a Type 1 Diabetic I have many, many additional worries and challenges and complications: my blood sugar needs to remain as stable as possible at all times, because extreme and extended highs and lows can harm the baby through every stage of my pregnancy. OK well I've been doing this for almost 24 years so easy peasy... except SO NOT. I could LIVE in the fridge right now, and I'm barely using any basal insulin. It's scary to realize, for the first time in a bazillion years, that I have NO idea what I'm doing.
So Thursday morning I went to see my GP in order to ease my fears, confirm the pregnancy, and be referred to a high-risk obstetrical clinic. When she came in the exam room my excitement and fear combined in a verbal jumble of 'ItooktwopregnancytestsandtheywerebothpositiveandI'msoHAPPYandEXCITEDbutOMGI'mTERRIFIED!!!!!!!!!'
She didn't laugh as she usually does at my behavior... nor did she congratulate me.
"Oh... well..." [insert some blah blah here that I can't remember because then she said:
"You need to be prepared to have a miscarriage."
"EXCUSE ME???" I practically yelled it at her. and then, in the middle of the exam room I started crying. Normally I would argue her opinions with her - we've debated in the past about religion and marriage. And yes, having children otside of wedlock. Prior intellectual and interesting conversations that should've been my first indication that she would not like my news.
"Well if it's meant to be God will see it happen."
And that's when I blew up at her. This Doctor who had spent the last 17 years listening to me talk about how badly I wanted children; who told me to expect to have difficulties conceiving; who had gained my implicit trust and respect, not only betrayed me but also stepped over the line by shoving her unqualified opinion and religious beliefs in my face.
I may report her. Right now I'm trying to get past her words. Trying not to let the worry consume me. I always thought that this would be a time of happiness and anticipation... not these epic fears that now sneak up in me.
I will NOT let her influence my feelings towards the sea monkey percolating inside of me. Que sera sera... And everything will be fine. I'm now on a whopping 5 mg Folic Acid (normal procedure for Type 1 Diabetics) along with extra D and Calcium supplements.
And best of all, my initial lab tests showed that my HCG levels are exactly what they should be. I've already got an appointment at the high-risk obstetrical clinic tomorrow morning, and a 6 week ultrasound scheduled for Thursday afternoon.
And Mr. Right and I will continue to talk about nursery colours (OK, I'll talk and he'll nod and smile!) and how beautiful this little sea monkey will be. We're having a baby. It chokes me!!!
Isn't life wonderful?