June 19, 2013

Countdown Month One

4 days to go.

Is it awful of me to count down the days? Is it terrible that I'm a little tempted to buy a home pregnancy test and just see what happens? How is it that I can be 99.9% certain that I'm not preggers, and yet that 0.01% almost seems to haunt a corner of my mind?

99.9%: it's PMS. Or maybe the flu. Stress is a possibility too. Who knows, it might be a whole "mind over matter" issue in which my brain is so obsessed that I'm getting pseudo-symptoms.

0.01%: my boobies are sore. I'm nauseous. Dizzy. I had strange cramping in my pelvis the week before last. My taste buds are really weird. I'm peeing a lot. On top of some strange constipation-slash-diarrhea. Epic EXHAUSTION!! 

I promise myself I'd not dwell on thoughts and hopes... and to my credit I've done a good job. But every day that passes makes it harder to just go with the flow and wait and see. A co-worker asked me about my greenish face this morning, which led to the dreaded question: "Could you be pregnant?" I scoffed, told her that its highly unlikely and no way would I be feeling symptoms this early. "I did," she stated. With both her children, she had morning sickness almost from the very moment of conception. 

You can imagine how the synapses in my brain started randomly misfiring upon her telling me this. 

I could be. Anything is possible...

But I won't know for sure for at least another 4 days. How am I supposed to do this every month for months???

Anything is possible, but my gut is telling me that there is no baby silently growing in my belly right now. 

Prove me wrong, body.

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