Except the little wand against my stomach at 6 weeks was apparently not good enough. Out came the vaginal ultrasound wand, which put me in mind of a dildo. A very expensive dildo, apparently, as the tech informed me when I asked if Mr. Right could please come in NOW?!
"I'm sorry, but we can't open the door when this device is in use because if anything ever happened to it we could not be able to replace it. It costs more than a car!"
I'd like to say that I was mad (afterwards when I walked back out to the waiting room I was extremely angry) but right then she turned the screen to me and there was my little sea monkey.
"You see that flickering?" She asked, pointing to a little bulge in the middle of that c-shaped creature. "That's the heartbeat."
That moment was indescribable. I don't think there will ever be a comparable time in my life; everything just stood still. For five seconds I existed in everything, and everything existed in me. All because of a rapid flicker.
As for the rest of what this post title alludes to... well, first I'd like to say that I've been incredibly surprised by how early the symptoms start! I don't have morning sickness... I have ALLDAY sickness. My boobs are KILLING me. I'm so freaking bloated I could die. This past weekend I ended up hitting a Thyme Maternity sale because the slightest pressure on my stomach is intensely uncomfortable. I'm bloody exhausted. And I can't POOP.
Now, imagine if you will (or remember, if you've been here!), having a crampy stomach and unbelievably rank flatulence because of digestion issues. Any cramps are scary so that's a ton of fun. But in this case, a sixth sense (and some medical reassurance haha) tells you that if you just have a bowel movement you'll feel so much better.
Except... nada. No pooping for you! It's there but it's HARD. So you bear down but WAIT! What if your painful need to poop causes something else to come out?!? Yes, logically I know that's not possible (my obstetrician also poo-pooed that) but I have suddenly found myself questioning logic and believing the Chinese Gender Horoscope when it tells me we're having a boy. So not only am I having a hard time pooping, I'm also worried about having a hard time pooping.
Oh and the best part? I now have little dark hairs growing around my gargantuan nipples.
Totally worth it.